Okay, folks, in an attempt to stir up some activity, plus provide a service, I'm taking some initiative and opening up Captain Smirk's Training Center.

Basically, here's how it works. If you want training on how to sharpen your wit before your next battle, you come here, and we (the judges, or just me, I guess) train you. There are two training options:

1-on-1 training: In this, the trainee gets five rounds of insults with the trainer, after which the trainer gives you some general tips.

THE MACHINE: Against the machine, you get three rounds of insults with the judges (the machine tires you out faster), but the judges give advice throughout.

For each of these, you can choose to only defend, only attack, alternate, or just treat the turns like a normal battle, wherein the winner insults. High-seas training is also available to those who are able to participate in high-seas battles.

You can only do one training routine a month, and only one person can train here at a time. Any questions? I thought not. Smirk's is open for business!



Current Trainee: None

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

I'll take an insult only battle with the machine.

_________________


"Dobby never meant to kill, only to...maim. Or seriously injure."

Alrighty then: Insult away.

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

You're going to need a peg face when I'm done with you!

_________________


"Dobby never meant to kill, only to...maim. Or seriously injure."

Funny-you fight like you've already got one!

Not bad, on the whole. A Dr. McNinja reference, if I'm not mistaken, as well.

Like I said--not bad, but it could be better. For one, the insult was pretty easy to reverse, since you're saying that it hasn't happened yet, and thus, could be avoided. If it had been "You fight like you've got a peg-face!", it would have been more difficult to turn around without sounding stupid (e.g. "You do, too!")

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

((I was hoping you'd get the reference))

Are you sure you should be here and not at the day-care center with all the other little kiddies?

_________________


"Dobby never meant to kill, only to...maim. Or seriously injure."

"Well, I wouldn't want to give you the home-field advantage!"

Better-a little long, though. If you put too much in the insult, that gives them too much material. For example, if you had left out the bit about the day-care center, and just said "with all the other little kiddies", it would have been harder to retort.


I'd recommend your next insult be something about how good you are as opposed to how bad your opponent is. So you can get a variety in.

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

I've defeated master swordsmen! You probably haven't beaten a wet noodle.

_________________


"Dobby never meant to kill, only to...maim. Or seriously injure."

May I join this training center?

_________________



"The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus; or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden flaming ants epidemic."

Only one person can train at a time. Though there's no reason why you can't go next once Gar's done.

_________________


My signature site. Because ripping off Silver's ideas is fun.

Ok. Thanks^^

_________________



"The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus; or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden flaming ants epidemic."

Gar: "I will have once I'm through with you!"

Once again, it was a little long. Keeping the insult shorter means there's less to be used against you-the bit about the noodle was mostly unnecessary, and it gave me a nice way to insult you.

Okay, that's all for your training. Come back sometime in September.

Eclectric, what kind of training do you want?

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

I'd like an attack-only training against the machine, please

_________________



"The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus; or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden flaming ants epidemic."

That seems to be the popular thing.

Okay, insult away.

_________________
Stevenson's Vocabulary Word of the Week:

Foment: (verb) To excite or arouse, i.e. 2014's Week of Randomness hopes to foment some activity on the forums.


Stevenson's Latin Phrase of the Week:

Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.

You're not worthy of my insults.

_________________



"The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus; or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden flaming ants epidemic."