Revenge of The 5 Word Story Game

[Silver]

Jammer Basketball Association, and they...

(I mean it's actually Jojo's Bizarre Adventure but w/e)

[Josiah]

((Well yeah, but no need to stick to the obvious here.))

jam on guitars while playing...

[Silver]

hockey, despite their name. Anyway,

[Josiah]

the explosive tangerines were for...

[Silver]

fighting the snail's sworn enemy...

[Josiah]

a fiend only known as...

[Silver]

the giant cosmic cat. It...

[Josiah]

is actually not very cosmic...

[Silver]

but it likes to play...

[Josiah]

science fiction RPGs. Because of...

[Silver]

their awesome plots and characters.

In other news, I've compiled the first forty pages of this game into a single post so you can actually read it as a story.

For the record, this was posted almost entirely during the KotF in 2007. Which means most of the posts are by Neo, and uh... he was really bad at this game! Almost all instances of speaking in first person are his. Anyways,

Long ago there was a big purple octopus with a inconsequential existence in this story.

There was a more important octopus who happened to be green with pink spots and the unlucky victim of a random blimp left over from a couple years ago when the war ended. This blimp was unique because of its ability to turn into a giant pen. The pen's ink is highly toxic and can kill anyone named Bob so about 1/3 of the population rose up and destroyed it but before they could it killed all those named Bob killing 1/3 of the population so it didn't get destroyed until later that day when all the Bob zombies decided to get chocolate malts because chocolate malts taste good. It wasn't long before the blimp exploded in completely unrelated circumstances. This was incredibly convenient because its explosion caused a fiery inferno which burned all the zombies eating malts.

Strangely enough, the octopus from before was busy building the world's largest cheese shoppe, so as to harness the power of cheese to make a time machine so he could buy all the pretty internets because he discovered how BB codes worked but what he really wanted was some love from his father who abused him. So he made lots of money then bought himself some Swellows then murdered them all brutally, with the feathers he made a feather duster. Then he used the feather duster to clean up crime in the capital city of Rhode Island. This was basically insignificant because the city was destroyed by a larger state that decided to attack and steal all their alphabet soup, because they needed the letters to spell "I prepared explosive runes this morning," so they could easily make a horror film about exploding runes that destroy the leaning tower of Pisa, because it was their mortal enemy. Using the explosive runes, they accidentally destroyed Wal-Mart's supply of goldfish, which results in the largest goldfish shortage in history. Then Wal-mart went bankrupt; the universe nearly ended but Wal-mart was saved by Japanese koi, which are much cooler. Then, ninja-pirates came and the movie ended due to budget cuts caused by vile aliens that invaded and conquered the script. After that, they rewrote the next part so Bobobo now makes sense, but it's funnier when it doesn't and fans got angry, so they trashed the Sears Tower with lots of merchandise from Tower Trashers R Us. Then snakes were out of jobs so they invaded a plane causing the plane to crash straight into the world's only Pidgeot breeding center owned by Silver. However, this wasn't a problem because it was protected by a large Go'uld shield made for protection from planes. Unfortunately, the shield was scratched by the snake infested plane and scratched shields look ugly. Fortunately, no one cares because the shield always looked ugly.

The snakes were upset and sued Silver for a million because he stole their plane. Silver won the case, though because Bobobo was his lawyer but the court somehow messed up, because Bobobo attacked the Judge with his enormously huge nose hair. Then Don Patch came and just made things worse by being the main character. However, Josiah saved a lot on car insurance by switching to Geico, thus ensuring he had money to keep Pebble Version out of the court room. Then a giant enemy crab came out of nowhere to bring Pebble Version to court for cruelty to Swellows due to a certain Silver's celebrations who will now be killed so this story can finally end, but wait it might have words split between posts cause I wasn't paying attention. In the end, Silver lived until Swellows plot his downfall. Since Silver had a parachute that didn't apply to downfall but it saved him anyway. Now Silver has learned to make Swellow pancakes, but a Swellow sends him a death pancake which tastes even better. But Swellow almost hang Silver who Neo's trying to kill and is being successful, maybe. Then Silver leaves the topic. So now Silver is safe and won't be mentioned anymore. So bring back the octopi! Who kills all Swellow on the continent of Africa, which didn't have Swellow to begin but that's besides the point. The real point pointed to keep this topic going forever which will probably happen because everyone can think of something and there's a certain contest which helps. In other news Shadowman was severely ninja'd by pirates hired by Kefka, who me cause you guys are being ninja's repeatedly. We should get a better forum so we would all stop posting between each other's posts. My hand is starting to hurt and my back is getting back to the story. Octopus Overlords wanted to enslave Neo but I enslave them instead and made octopus stew because we post way too much which has nothing to do with the story so lets get on with it already. Once upon a time somewhere there was an octopus that wanted to be an Overlord but I took care of the hotdogs that it ate causing Silver to explode. Tomorrow we will bury the remains of our departed bird, amen. But behold Silver has come to demand that people STOP-FREAKING-BRINING-HIM-UP-BECAUSE-IT'S-A-DEAD-HORSE-THAT-NO-LONGER-NEEDS-TO-BE-BEATEN. Then an angel imploded, due to Silver's shouting. It will not say the word "Silver" but instead use Pokemon that continuously spout off "Silver," so we're going to get on-with-the-story-and-not-drag-me-in-to-it-anymore.

The octopi came back to make some sort of plot which didn't include Silver because I ate all of them. Thus Celebifly was busy flying to save the poor cat that she dearly loved for and would take care of said cat in a cute little blanket woven out of Eevee pelts. However, the sumo contest was scheduled to happen next year during the ice stage festival so someone entered their big fat chef guy who slips and falls and breaks the ice which causes the whole event to be ruined, so everyone attacked Poland because it seemed like someone forgot it, but Shauni stopped the attack with her tongue because it seemed like a cool thing to do at the time. So... her tongue got stuck on a street sign the attackers decided to put up to catch random flying tongues. They were angry at the lack of postings this forum had before the KotF contest and promptly typoed themselves to death. Then a new antagonist arrived and he decided that Poland had no protagonist to oppose the mighty power of cheese. So he moved over to Norway, in the hopes that this game might end but we need it for posts so this is the game in which we post a lot so let the posting stay or the nosehairs will get way out of control with Silver watching Bobobo too much which won't be mentioned anymore.

So let's get back on to the story about the history of spam and what Silver taught us about not using his name, for the sake of the internets. Bob the goblin went to Poland because everyone had forgotten it once was spam galore before the ice age, since that was when the spam had all died out from a lack of internets. Bush is a moron sometimes but is mostly retarded. Neo said something bad about my boss throwing this story into insanity. Thus we ran out of interesting plot and are continuing to just blab on about Silver and how he saved this topic by introducing Squid. Squid was an interesting young possum that lived in the underground caves that exist under Northern Mongolia, where all the fish seem to dance for swimming bird gods that live in the deepest pits of the ocean where nothing can get to because the pressure's too much and could crush you into little bite sized pieces. So the moral of this cheese monkey is that stories taste good when toasted and dipped in mayonnaise. Or maybe fried in margarine with some fudge crackers on top, and marshmallows. But that's beside the orangutan. So, back to Squid the cave-dwelling possum that we seem to be neglecting. He said that Silver posts too well then went to visit me who wants to take over Silverland, because Pidgeots are beating the heck out of Silver, due to him forgetting to thank them for all the fish. A whale fell from the sky and crushed poor Squid, but he survived even when a potted petunia tried to eat him alive for killing the falling whale with an electric snail. Then then the story will finally get interesting, because there will be repeated "then"s from carelessness. Squid likes the word 'then' 'then', so he repeats it even though it's weird. Then the game got back on because it was getting boring and Squid agreed. So now we will go on with that thing about potted petunias 'cause they can kill you with electric snails in less than 20 seconds and that's without the Silver input, which annoys him to no end. Squid fought the petunias with a Swellow, which was tender from Silver beating on it. But it wasn't strong enough to escape so it did a barrel roll, so it could get away as fast as molasses in January.

This story has no point really but we'll continue to type 'cause typing gives us points and it makes Squid happy. That in turn makes me explode, so we're safe from me taking over the forum. Then Axe Santa arrived and cut off the chimney of Silver, making the Air Captain come by and blow him to bits. That means that Santa is no more and the Air Captain is now Santa but refuses teh job thus disproving Disney's "The Santa Claus" but Door Santa comes to the door only to die from Earth Santa clubbing him. Rudolph showed up and decided to incinerate all remaining goldfishes into oblivion, so that he can rule to world. The lone Blabbering Pufferfish then became the next Santa Claus 'cause a movie said so and so people received little amounts of gifts this year due to peanut shortages. Josiah needs to count points now because Neo is impatient and is sure to win anyway, or is he? Meanwhile Squid is about to go and invade earth and enslave all the Pidgeots for his own evil plans that include destroying swellows, because Squid is cool. Death will now rule the jam, because it was rather ticked off at the world taking over thing, and rebelled but death got it in a jar, where it's stuck. Now Death goes after humans and puts them in jars and burns them in large fires of death Because that's how death works. Now Death and Squid have a picnic and Squid died due to Death putting him in a jar and burning him. Squid's ghost decided that he could take revenge only to remember that he can phase through Death, so it's pretty hard. ...anything before death can get a chance to post. Ninja'ing the big cheese in his clavin, cleaving it in twain. Now death has to find more jars, because he used all his original up already and Squid stole his back-ups. But the Squid is a possum, so he didn't have to worry about anything now that Shauni is being Shauni. Now a new world can spontaneously spawn, and this one will die a hororable death. Since 'hororable' isn't a word, Silver will post the correct wording, thus curing cancer in 5 years in which science has evolved beyond religious beliefs. But we were talking about jars that do not really matter, except when on fire. Since they are on fire we pay attention, and stare. Unfortunately that doesn't always work. So instead we'll watch as Squid's attempts to take over the Taco stand have been foiled by Silver's resistance in practice drills. But this time he used his ninja skills to steal the world without us eating all his jam, because I told him to. So he opened a jewelry store. In the jewelry store, he sold rings that commanded people to eat bologna; Oscar Mayer and become fat and happy. Everyone will then go see me taking over the world because me is obsessed. Then I shall rule over all. Except Florida. Because they haven't voted on the thing yet. Squid forms the anti-me squad and gets defeated for the fifth time. He's dead again and now tries to live a life without Pidgeots, but he knows he'll make it 'til the end of his supply of Pidgeot Meth. Oil is very flammable so me dumps it on a random state in hopes of making a pretty mushroom cloud thing that turns everything blue so that bulls don't get angry. Then the smurfs invaded us due to the blue area and made everyone wear silly hats that are shaped like onions. These were unpopular because they made everyone cry. So Munchlax at all of them. It was declared a hero becayse "ate" was misspelled and atting someone takes courage. He at them with style and everyone was amazed, because of verbs they didn't know existed.

Now it is time for the octopus to return, because he feels left out in the grand scheme of things. After a while he owns his own Altaria breeding ground, so he can get a gold one. However, "shinny" isn't a word so the post was edited to make the squid seem smarter and thus able to push doors labeled push and pull on doors labeled pull. A plot suddenly appeared when things started to make sense, then randomness and chaos came to create a plot! This involved a werewolf and his wererat minions who are trying to slay the evil wereswellows because they're one were-thing too many, and the moon's tired. So, they swarmed a base but it was the wrong base, so they went next-door and ordered pizza for everyone because howling at the moon makes your vocal chord hurt. And pizza fixes that somehow. During the pizza party, wereswellows attacked, but were distracted by pizza because it was easier to join the party than to crash and trash it So they ate pizza until the pizza was gone, then they did were-creature stuff like playing Wii, and killing humans. The humans got angry, so they played Wii, and killed sloths, because they're frustratingly slow. The Sloths got angry, so they moved slightly faster, but still didn't move fast enough to catch that guy who stole their leaves. The leaves were eaten by werecaterpillars that also eat everything else in Liberia. That isn't much, so it moved on and ate Egypt which wasn't very tasty but they enjoyed it. Wereswellows' main prey is werecaterpillars and so the werecaterpillars devised a way to behead every thing in the world so no one would have a head. Now Silver will show us how to leave him alone. Now on with the story.

The werecaterpillars continued with their invasion of earth only to have to stop in Russia 'cause it was so large and quite cold. They went into hibernation for the winter in expectation of a better weather when it turned Spring. However, they were still in winter so they can't move like they could in autumn so the octopus smashed them because they were not overlordly but they still managed to look mangled and gross for onlookers to die of fright. Now it's spring and they are still gross and mangled because Swellow DNA was found somehow linking the Octopus to the murder of the werecaterpillars so the police came to give him a cookie, but he refused so they arrested him and the werecaterpillar corpses that happened to be respawning in ten thousand years. Meanwhile, the secret ninja tacos attacked and wiped out all the taco stands in Mexico so vegetarians reign supreme, leaving it a strange country. The ninjas then tried to take over Pakistan, but failed because of their inability to blend in with the belly dancers so they all got tummy tucks which is weird, because they aren't that fat but anyway the octopi and werecaterpillars invaded Korea because they thought it had nice beaches. But Shauni doesn't approve of invasions unless it has red bobbles, which this invasion certainly didn't, so they all went home and hoped shauni wouldn't get mad. Now it's time for a musical number by Squid and Virgo, because she owed me twelve dollars and nine cents because of the belly dance Shadowman did when the werecaterpillars held a party. The party ended when the cops came because nobody would dance with the cops. Unfortunately, the cops arrested everyone for doing something completely unrelated to the party. And now for something ompletely relaed to the forgotten plot. Squid and Virgo sang a love song that inspired someone to make an Ultros joke. The octopi and the werecaterpillars were so moved that they never ate beef again, until one day they began to take offense because the cows were getting over populated again so they got some hired help and destroyed cows til they were extinct, unfortunately they now have no beef so now they eat chicken, but are getting tired of chicken so they decided to try fish, but soon the fish population depleted from over-fishing, and then everything began to starve due to the lack of food. Fortunately, food pelets have started to rain from the sky on weeknights so people had food five days a week. Unfortunately that meant people didn't eat on the weekends but no one would die of starvation except maybe the dolphins, but Squid found a magic lamp which summoned a genie Troll of doom and destruction and will grant five wishes but only on Tuesday. This genie was very evil so next to its magic lamp was a book on how to sever limbs, and it was being used as an evil Pepsi of doom, which Coke couldn't compare to, because it was the Juggernaut, so I wonder how a book could take so long to read and be Pepsi and Juggernaut.

Then suddenly a square giraffe popped out of the trees and started eating them for fun. Then a plot suddenly sprouted wings and flew off into the distance, leaving this story needing a new one. So the Juggernaut called Josiah ketchup, so Josiah thought ketchup was a new condiment for kosher meat and not a good nickname. Now that we know and will never call Josiah ketchup by that name again. Now the trees are gone because something ate them all up - something resembling Kaku, but that's another story for another time. In other news, shauni ate pie that was really good because it was made of Pidgeots, which are awesome, though bad to make pie from. However, I hear they taste a lot like white bats which taste like white chocolate which gives you cavities. Anyway, the trees are gone, so you can have it , with "it" being treeless land. Squid thought it needed trees so he planted some oaks then the oaks threw nuts on everyone's lawns, but squirrels cleaned up all the nuts but then the nuts went and grew into more trees which was a good thing. Then, a flying balaclava attacked a pizza shop because it was ungodly, since God deserted the pizza shop because it served pizza with evil mushrooms and even more evil anchovies. Who the heck eats anchovies? Guys who like anchovies. Now that the pizza shop closed people all across the city found that Swellows tasted nice and they had a feast. The pizza stand's former manager was actually a Swellow enthusiast and used the evil anchovies to take over the multiverse! And to plant mind-control devices in every ninja's brain, which caused the ninja'ing that took place to be completely brainless. Missiles made of evil anchovies were de-anchovified, which made them good for blowing stuff up. So now the Swellows were spontaneously sucking, which was normal so everyone just ignored it. The manager was mad at Silver because he liked swellows and anchovies, but that was a lie and he used six words which warrants the death penalty, so you can't do a thing about the manager's lying ways.