Say Something Random!

[Blivsey]

Batman: Alfred, I need a way inside the asylum.
Alfred: Might I suggest donning a pair of tights and pretending you're a bat, sir?
Batman: ...Cute.
-Batman Begins (video game)

[Pikachu127]

Sith Recruit: Do you know how many Sith there are on this planet?
Jolee Bindo: Twelve! No, wait! Thirteen!
Canderous Ordo: Nice one, old man.
Jolee Bindo: What can I say? It takes effort to be properly irreverent at my age.

EDIT: Now verbatim.

[Doodleshark]

"Great. See, this is how it all starts, and when we're just all organic batteries guess who they'll blame? 'This is all Joker's fault. What a tool he was! I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord.'" - Joker, Mass Effect 2

[Pikachu127]

((Bioware! :D))

Mission Vao: Hey, Bastila. Have you ever used the Force just for fun? You know, trip up some jerk who's ticking you off?
Bastila Shan: I would never use the Force for such petty and trivial revenge. The mere thought of it is preposterous!
Mission Vao: Aww come on, there's gotta be times when you've thought about it. Don't be so stuck up, you can tell me!
Bastila Shan: I am NOT stuck up, I merely have the years of Jedi training to realize how childish such an act would be.
Mission Vao: Childish? Is that a crack about my age? You ain't much older than me, miss "high and mighty"! Just 'cause you're some Jedi, doesn't mean you can be a prissy little -
[Bastila uses the Force to knock Mission to the ground, who promptly stands back up]
Mission Vao: What the - ? Hey! That wasn't funny!
Bastila Shan: I have no idea what you're talking about, Mission. Let us move on, and please, do try to be less clumsy in the future.

[Josiah]

Yoshihiko: "I never got distracted from the mission!"
Murasaki: "What about the time with the girl with the big boobs, and the time you decided to be and idol, and how you wouldn't leave your apartment."
Yoshihiko: "Those don't count."

(Yuusha Yoshihiko)

[Pikachu127]

Mercenary: There's something out there... it got the other submersible already.
HK-47: Suggestion: Perhaps we could dismember the organic? It would make it easier for transport to the surface.
Mercenary: Hey! Y-you... you can't rip me to pieces! I'll die!
HK-47: Amendment: I did forget that. Stupid, frail, non-compartmentalized meatbags!

[Doodleshark]

"I fractured my thumb on the mute, but I think I made my point." - Joker, Mass Effect 2

[Pikachu127]

Revan: I don't think "killee" is a word...
HK-47: Exclamation: Damn it, Master! I am an assassination droid, not a dictionary!

[Doodleshark]

"Jacob seems pretty intense. I wonder if he's into Japanese girls with a penchant for kleptomania?" - Kasumi Goto, Mass Effect 2

[Josiah]

"When the smog clears you can see the fog. When the fog lifts you get a look at the rain. And when it's not raining you have a lovely view of the tar pits. It makes you miss the smog." (Sam Shovel, The Abbott & Costello Show)

[Pikachu127]

Obi-Wan: How is she? And the baby?
Droid: Are you the husband?
Obi-Wan: No!
Droid: My god! Out of wedlock!
Obi-Wan: No, no, it's not like that...
Droid: We have a chapel down the hall!
Obi-Wan: Her husband tried to kill her!
Droid: A sordid affair then! Tell me more!
Obi-Wan: Um...

Darths and Droids Comic 638. And remind me to stop obsessing over Star Wars.

[Doodleshark]

Joker: "You'll see; it’ll be better than the old days."
Shepard: "I hope so. I died."
Joker: "God, you're such a downer..."
- Mass Effect 2

[Josiah]

Speaker: "We're not just here to fall in love with each other. Though we love falling in love with each other."
Me: "Lines like that are why all speeches should be prepared and reviewed ahead of time."
(At the conference I was at over the weekend.)

[Pikachu127]

Dear God, now I...

Sarah Harding: [about the baby T-Rex] He's too drugged.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: He's never gonna know we have it if the thing doesn't make some kind of sound.
Sarah Harding: Come on. Wake up. Come on. Come on. Wake up.
[baby T-rex growls. Adult T-Rex sniffs the air then roars in their direction]
Sarah Harding: He knows.

[Doodleshark]

"Science isn't about 'why', it's about 'why not'. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired!" - Cave Johnson, Portal 2