Golden Sun: The Lost Chapters (Or something...)

[Doodleshark]

Oh em geez, Doodle's writing more fanfics! This one's pretty much just from the first parts of the Golden Sun games (which are awesome, by the way), which I thought were in need of a good making fun of. Now with emoticons, text colours, and even more randomness! This first part starts during the prologue after the boulder falls and Garet and Isaac are looking for help. Enjoy!
...
OH GOD LEAVE REVIEWS!!!!


Isaac: "Felix... Man..."

Garet: "I know! Now we'll never get to bug him because of his emoness and long hair any more!"

Isaac: o_0 "Um... what?"

Garet: "Nothing!"

Isaac: "Riiight... Anyway, what was in that big chest I saw you dragging back there?"

Garet: "Bricks."

Isaac: ??? "Why were you carrying a bunch of bricks around?"

Garet: "In case I needed to build a house."

Isaac: o_0 "...Okay then. Wait, I think I hear somebody talking up ahead."

Saturos and Menardi: *Are talking about Sol Sanctum, the storm, and various other suspicious things I can't be bothered to remember.*

Garet: "LIKE OH EM GEEZ ISAAC, THOSE WEIRD PEOPLZ WERE LIKE ALL UP IN THE HIZZAY!!!!1!1!!!"

Saturos: !!! "Did you hear that?"

Menardi: *Spots Isaac and Garet eavesdropping.* "Hey! You two over there!"

Saturos: "You two... did you hear any of that?"

Isaac: "We didn't hear-"

Garet: "We heard everything! Especially the really incriminating bits!"

Isaac: "I hate you so much..."

Menardi: *Smiles evilly* "Well, looks like you're just going to have to forget everything you heard then, eh?"

Garet: "Don't worry, I'm pretty good at forgetting stuff. *Looks at Isaac strangely.* Who are you?"

Isaac: *Smacks own forehead.*

Saturos: "Don't worry... we'll help you forget!"

Isaac: "You'd beat two children unconsious just because they were looking for help and just happened to come across you guys talking about incriminating stuff?"

Menardi: "We aren't the main villians for nothing."

Isaac: "Crap..." *Is beaten unconsious along with Garet.*


28 days- I mean three years later....


Jenna: "Hi Garet... What are you doing?"

Garet: "Hey Jenna, check it out! I'm moving this big log around using the force!"

Jenna: "Riiight... Can you hurry up? We have to get Isaac and then meet up with Kraden."

Garet: "Okay, I'm done. *Begins walking to Isaac's house with Jenna.* So... how's Felix?"

Jenna: "Felix is dead, Garet. Remember?"

Garet: "Oh yeah... How are your parents, then?"

Jenna: "My parents are dead too. My whole family died in that storm three years ago..."

Garet: "Oops..."

*Long akward silence follows.*

Garet: "So... How's Felix?"

Jenna:

Garet: "Riiight. Dead."

*Jenna and Garet continue to Isaac's house, where they see Isaac on the roof.*

Garet: "Jump, Isaac!"

Jenna: "He's fixing the roof."

Garet: "Awww..."

Isaac: "I'll be down in a second guys, I'm all done!" *Turns around to see Garet all up in his face.* "How'd you get up here so fast?"

Garet: "I wanted to see you jump and jump you shall."

Isaac: "Um..."

Garet: "Push!" *Tries to shove Isaac but one foot goes through the roof, causing Garet to fall off.* "Ow, my *Insert random internal organ here.*!"

Isaac: "Garet! I just finished fixing this roof and you had to go and put a big hole in it!"

Garet: "S-sorry..."

Isaac: "Sorry doesn't fix roofs!"

Jenna: "...So, can we go to Kraden's now?"

Garet: "I can taste my spleen..."

Isaac: "Shut up, Garet" *Climbs off the roof.* "Yeah, I'll bribe somebody to fix the roof later."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Giga-Gar]

Umm, why didn't you like this like your RE fanfic?

[Doodleshark]

Umm, why didn't you like this like your RE fanfic?

What do you mean? I like both of them.

[Doodleshark]

More.

*Isaac, Garet, and Jenna are walking towards Kraden's house when they come across Saturos and Menardi, who, once again, are talking about suspicious things that I can't be bothered to remember. And once again...*

Garet: "LIKE OH EM GEEZ, DEM'S THE PEOPLZ WHO WERE LIKE ALL UP IN THE HIZZAY!!1!11!!!!!"

Isaac: ...

Jenna: ...

Isaac: "Die, Garet. Just go and die."

Jenna: "Yeah, seriously. Die."

Garet: "You guys are so mean!"

Saturos: "Hey!" *Points at Isaac and Garet.* "You're the two punks who we beat the crap out of three years ago! You really need to learn to respect people's privacy!"

Isaac: "And you guys really need to learn not to talk about incriminating stuff in public where anyone can hear you."

Saturos: "Shut up, you meanie!"

Menardi: "Whatever. We just ate, so we don't feel like beating the crap out of you right now. Smell ya later, homes!" (OMG Prince of Bel-Air) *Leaves with Saturos.*

Jenna: o_0 "...Okay, those guys are weird. What kind of names are Saturos and Menardi, anyways?"

*Isaac, Jenna, and Garet continue to Kraden's house, where they endure an incredibly long speech about even more stuff I can't be bothered to remember. By the time Kraden is finished, Isaac is nodding and saying "Yes." on autopilot to make it seem like he's paying attention, Jenna has fallen asleep (Luckily, she brought a pillow and blanket), and Garet has entered a stupified state in which he just stands there drooling and staring blankly ahead.*

Kraden: "...And that's why we're going to Mt. Aleph."

Jenna:

Isaac: "Right. Uh-huh. Yup. Makes sense."

Kraden: "...Isaac, were you even paying attention?"

Isaac: "Probably not."

Kraden:

Jenna: *Wakes up.* "Eh? Is it over?"

Isaac: "Yup. Hold on a second..." *Pokes Garet with a stick.*

Garet: *Drools.*

Isaac: "Well, now what?"

Jenna: *Waves a spicy salami in front of Garet's face.*

Garet: *Eats salami, then blinks in confusion.* "Huh? What happened?"

Isaac: "You fell into a comatose state while Kraden was rambling on about... something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention."

Kraden: "Hey! Alchemy is a very interesting subject!"

Jenna: "Yeah, it's almost as exciting as watching grass grow."[/sarcasm]

Kraden:

Garet: "Oh yeah, that happens to me all the time. An exceedingly spicy salami usually snaps me out of it." *Realizes he just ate an exceedingly spice salami.* "AAAH!!! HOT, HOT, HOT!!!!!" *Jumps in a river.*

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Doodleshark]

Third part. Yay!

*Isaac's group approaches the entrance to Mt. Aleph, which is being guarded by an old guy weilding a large, pointed stick.*

Old Guy: "Hey! Are you four trying to sneak into Mt. Aleph?"

Isaac: "No-"

Garet: "Hell yeah!" *Is kicked in the shins by Jenna.* "Ow! I mean, no."

Old Guy: "Oh. Well, have a nice day, then." *Doesn't notice Isaac, Garet, Jenna and Kraden sneaking into Mt. Aleph.*

Jenna: "Isn't this illegal or something?"

Kraden: "No, I don't want it to be illegal. Therefore it isn't!"

Isaac: o_0 "I think your logic is flawed..."

Kraden: "Quiet, you. I'm a scholar, I know everything."

Isaac: *Sighs.* "Of course..."

Kraden: "Great! let's continue on, then."

*A whole lot of walking, puzzle solving, and random monster battles later...*

Isaac: "How do monsters even get in here with old people guarding the entrance day and night?"

Kraden: "Shh, we're here!"

Jenn: "...Here being?"

Kraden: "Sol Sanctum! Oh looky, it's the ocean! Wait, that can't be the ocean... the ocean has waves..."

Garet: "What's an ocean?"

Isaac: "It sounds like some kind of fruit..."

Jenna: "Or an alchoholic beverage."

Kraden: "You're kidding... None of you have any idea what an ocean is?"

Isaac: "Well, we've never been outside this landlocked town and this is the first time we've ever heard the word."

Kraden: "...Of course. Now Isaac, Garet, take this bag and go get the elemental stars for me."

Isaac: "Why don't you get them yourselves, ya lazy bum?"

Kraden: "I would, but I'm too old. Besides, it's funner to watch you two suffer."

Garet:: "Jerk..."

*Isaac and Garet get the Venus star.*

Kraden: *Is sitting on a lawn chair wearing sunglasses and drinking lemonade.* "Hurry it up you two, I'm not getting any younger!"

Isaac/Garet:

*Isaac and Garet get the Mercury star.*

Kraden: "Come on, hustle! I don't have all day!"

Isaac/Garet:

Kraden: "Meep..."

*Isaac and Garet get the Jupiter Star.*

...

Isaac: "Hey, the old fart isn't yelling at us anymore!"

Garet: *Spots Saturos and Menardi.* "LIKE OH EM GEEZ ISAAC, IT-"

Isaac: "I ****ING KNOW!!!" *Whacks Garet with a toaster.*

Garet: "Owww!"

Isaac: "What the hell are they doing here, anyway?"

Garet: "Good question." *Cups hands to mouth.* "HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?"

Saturos: "Curses, we've been spotted!"

Jenna: "You do realize they would have had to pass right by us to get to the Mars star..."

Saturos:

Menardi: *To Garet.* "We're taking your friends hostage!"

Garet: "WHAT?!?"

Menardi: "WE'RE TAKING YOUR FRIENDS HOSTAGE!!!"

Garet: "I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!"

Menardi: "Oh, for the love of..." *Mumbles angrily under breath while writing "We're taking your friends hostage." on a piece of paper, wrapping it around a rock, and throwing it in Garet's general direction.*

Isaac: *Is hit in the head with said rock.* "Ow!" *Falls over.*

Garet: *Picks up rock, unwraps the paper, and tosses the rock over his shoulder.*

Isaac: *Is hit in the head with said rock.* "Ow again!"

Garet: "Sorry!" *Squints while trying to read piece of paper.* "I CAN'T READ YOUR HANDWRITING!!!"

Menardi: *Smacks own forehead.*

Isaac: *Gets up, holding an ice pack to the bump in his head.* "Give me that!" *Snatches piece of paper and reads it.* "It clearly says, 'We're taking your friends hostage.'

Garet: "Oh." *Cups hands around mouth again.* "WHY?!?"

Menardi: *Smacks own forehead again before throwing a walkie-talkie at Garet.*

Garet: *Catches walkie-talkie.* "What the heck is this?"

Menardi: *Talks into other walkie talkie.* "There! Now we don't have to shout as much. We're taking your friends hostage to get you to give us the elemental stars which we attempted to steal three years ago but accidentally set off the storm when we failed to solve a puzzle."

Isaac: "You mean that incredibly simple puzzle we just did that somebody with the intelligence of a cucumber would probably be able to finish without making a single mistake?"

Menardi: "...Yes. That puzzle."

Saturos:

Menardi: "Now give us the elemental stars and we wont harm your friends!"

Kraden: =( "I'm too smart to be a hostage!"

Jenna: "If anything, you would be a bad hostage because nobody likes you enough to care."

Menardi: "It's true."

Kraden:

Garet: "Hell, no! The elemental stars are sooo shiny... I like shiny things...

Isaac: "Um, Garet?"

Garet: "I like to stroke them!"

Isaac: "Garet?"

Garet: "Stroke..."

Isaac: "GARET!!!"

Garet: "Ah! What?"

Isaac: "...I think we ought to give them the stars."

Garet: "But once we give them the stars, they won't need Jenna anymore anyway... How do we know that they'll honour they're promise?"

Isaac: "Actually, that's a pretty good point." *Talks into the walkie talkie.* "What guarantee do we have that you'll honour your promise?"

Masked Guy: *Steps through portal thingy.* "I will be your guarantee!"

Garet: "Wait, time out. Who's he? Why the heck is he wearing a mask?"

Isaac: "Maybe he has a skin condition."

Garet: "Right, or maybe he's so ugly that he has to wear a mask or be shunned everywhere he goes."

Isaac: "That works too."

Masked Guy: "I'm not ugly and I don't have a skin condition! I just wear the mask because it makes me look cool!"

Saturos: "This guy's our guarantee your friends will not harmed."

Isaac: "And a random masked guy is a guarantee how?"

Saturos: "...Good point. Hey Masked Guy, remove your mask!"

Masked Guy: "But it makes me look super cool!"

Menardi: "You heard him Felix, remove your mask!"

Masked Guy: "But-"

Menardi: "NOW!!!"

Masked Guy: "Okay, sheesh! No need to yell..." *Turns around and begins removing mask.*

Kraden: "Felix... Wasn't that your brother's name, Jenna?"

Jenna: "Yeah, but he died three years ago. There's no way..."

Masked Guy: *Turns around, sans mask* "There! Happy?"

Jenna: *Gasps.* "It can't be!"

Kraden: *Gasps.* "OMG!"

Isaac: "No. Freaking. Way."

Garet: "Didn't see that one coming."

Isaac: "I know, seriously! That was really unexpected!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

(Halo 2/Dead Man's Chest style cliffhangers FTW!)

[Voltaggia]

Hmm... not bad :P

Perhaps a bit too cliche-ish.

[Doodleshark]

Hmm... not bad :P

Perhaps a bit too cliche-ish.

I can understand that, seeing as my humour is inspired by many other people's work, but I try to keep the jokes as original as I can. Plus, this and Biohazard are like my first ever major attempts at comedy on the internet, so I understand if some of my material seems a bit cliche.

[Doodleshark]

((OMG, I finally got enough time off of studying for exams to get a new (short) chapter up. Yay!))

Jenna: "Felix?!?"

Felix: "Jenna..."

Garet: "Garet!"

Isaac: ?!?!?

Garet: "Calling out names is fun!"

Jenna: "I thought you were dead..." "Why did you leave me all alone for three years?!? You could have at least sent me a letter, you insensitive jerk!!! You suck!!! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU!!!!!"

Felix: "Well, I'm Sorry-"

Jenna: "Really? Okay!" "Now we can do brother/sister stuff, like eat popsicles, and play tag, and bug the crap out of each other, and if a mean kid tries to pick on me, you can beat him up!"

Felix: "Umm..."

Isaac: "I'm never going to understand women."

Garet: "How the hell is Felix still alive, anyway? We saw him die!"

Isaac: "Maybe this is his evil clone or something."

Saturos: "He's not a clone. We rescued him from drowning."

Garet: "What a convenient plot device!"

Menardi: "Indeed. Also, Felix would never let any harm come to his sister. Now give us the freaking Elemental Stars already!"

Isaac: "You could have just asked nicely and we would have given them to you in the first place, you know."

Menardi: "Taking hostages is funner."

Garet: "No way!"

Saturos: "Why not?"

Garet: "You said you wouldn't harm our friends if we gave you the Stars, but Felix won't let you harm them anyway so IN YOUR FACE!!!" *Does a happy dance.* <(^^<) (>^^)> <(^^<) (>^^)>

Menardi: "...What if we said we'd give you candy if you gave us the Stars?"

Garet: = / "Hmm... you drive a hard bargain, lady."

Isaac: "You're having difficulty deciding between candy and objects that could potentially destroy the world in the wrong hands?"

Garet: "I like candy..."


((Will Garet hand over the Elemental Stars? Tune in next time to find out!))

[auragongal]

Garet's a moron

[Kisori]

Everything has to have an idiot moron!

[Doodleshark]

(Sorry for the lack of update-ness, but I've been busy... Okay, I've been playing Team Fortress 2 and Call of Duty 4 nonstop while watching One Piece on the side, but that's still being busy!)

Garet: "You will be mine, candy!" *Begins hopping towards Saturos and Menardi.*

Alex: *Randomly appears in front of Garet.* "That will be far enough."

Garet: "Ah! Who are you?"

Menardi: "This is Alex, our ally."

Alex: "Yo. Gimme the Elemental Stars."

Garet: "Do you have my candy?"

Alex: "Er... Excuse me?"

Menardi: "Yes, he has your candy. Now-"

Garet: "Think fast!" *Throws bag with Stars in it at Alex.*

Alex: *Is hit in the face with said bag.* "Ow! Dammit!" *Falls down bottomless abyss.* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Isaac: o_0 "Okay, then..."

Menardi: "What did you do that for, you idiot?!? Now the Elemental Stars are lost forever!!!"

Alex: *Teleports to in front of Saturos and Menardi.* "Phew... that was a close call." *Glares at Garet.* "I'm going to kill you."

Garet: "Yeah, yeah, hurry up and gimme my freaking candy already!"

Saturos: "No."

Garet: "Huh? Whad'ya mean, 'no'?"

Saturos: "'No' as in we won't release your- I mean, give you any candy until you get the last the Mars Star for us."

Isaac: "Oh yeah, we didn't get that one yet..."

Garet: *Is in shock.* "C-c-candy... Why... Wait, did you say you wanted me to get a Mars Bar?"

TO BE CONTINUED AND STUFF....