Rate my story so far

Post by **Celebifly** » Mon May 30, 2005 4:20 pm

(It sorta just stops....but just rate what i have and encourage me to write more xD)

The Quest for the Pizza Joint

Have you ever stopped to think that there was something better out there that some government was keeping secret? Like flying saucers, the end to world hunger, never ending bag of peanuts, or even what all men and women desire-a Pizza Joint; all you can eat for $2.99. Yes, all you can eat for $2.99. But before I explain this wonder place. I must tell you how this thought came to be.

It all started in a special warehouse. Course if just looked like a special warehouse. All the windows were blackened out by soot, the walls looking like rubble, and the chimney ready to come down. But looks can be deceiving, for inside were many government hired scientist, making odd experiments for the craziest ideas.
One was about how to make a dog bake a nice apple pie. The reason for a dog to bake a nice apple pie is beyond reason of understanding why they thought this up. One idea could be that the bakers around town don?t like to bake apple pie, so they?re training dogs to do the work. Another idea that floats to head is that the workers there just like their apple pie, and wouldn?t mind a dog to make some for them.
But, this story isn?t about a dog baking an apple pie, so we will carry on.
Further down the testing area, past the Tree that can tell the winning lottery numbers, was a Jaguar. This isn?t a normal jaguar, but a very special one. This Jaguar (who was named Tango) had a very special gift that the scientist are studying. Tango, the normal Jaguar, likes baseball caps. It sounds very strange, but it is true. Why would a Jaguar like to wear baseball caps? Who knows, but all the scientist can say is that it is very remarkable on how he can put it on himself.

Tango was found one day in a remote area called...I can?t give away that information for even I don?t know it...let?s just say he was found somewhere in Texas. Rather then letting me talk about it, let it be told by Tango?s point of view....oh, and did I mention he can speak English?

?Damn store....not letting me in because of the no pets aloud sign...? Tango mumbled to himself as several people gasped at him. ?What? Never seen a talking, baseball cap wearing Jaguar?? he asked as they shook their heads ?no?. ?Hmm...you all should get out more.? Tango mumbled as he slid down the walkways.

It was said somewhere by someone at sometime that if you can?t explain on what you see, you should just nod your head and walk on. Unfortunately, these Texans never heard of that saying, and went out of control. Fortunately, a bunch of government people with special weapons and stuff were near by, taking orders at the local Sonics.
Seeing the commotion of the taking, baseball cap wearing Jaguar, they took action. First they lulled him to sleep by reading a passage of Steven Spielberg?s poetry that was only used for important use. Last time it was used, half the nation was asleep, and car wrecks went out of control. Of course, no one remembers it oddly, maybe it has some amnesia affect. I certainly don?t know.
So Tango was pulled aboard a strange car, drove off into some other location, and placed into the Warehouse of testing. There, they studied how Tango could easily pick out what hat was the best to market, and other stuff like that. Though Tango is a character in the great hunt for the Pizza Joint, he is just one of the other two.

Our next character was a late entry into the book of tested on things in the Warehouse. This man, or thing, was a street man. Or what you people call a ?hobo? or ?bum?. He had no name, but he called himself....well, you?ll see.

?I am NOT a human! I am Dionysus, the God of wine!? The man cried as two body guards tried to keep him under control.
?Yeah, and I?m ruler of Mars.? One of them joked. ?Damn it Sid, where?s the duct tape I asked for?? He called out to a skinny boy with big round glasses.
?Really? Well, let it be the first of Gods to say hello Ruler of mars.? The hobo took a bow as the skinny guy with big glasses searched for the duct tape.
?Clear or grey?? He asked, shifting his glasses on his face upwards.
?Just, zip, the grey.? The bodyguard sighed, taping up the hobo?s mouth.
?Ghi tif yove rrr ei oo mea oo Dieous!? The hobo mumbled under the grasp of the mighty duct tape.

If you had excellent hearing or a fortune of great guesses like the Desk in a few rows down, and you could understand the language of duct tape (volumes I to VI start sale in a few days), you could understand that the hobo was saying ?I think you are being too mean to Dionysus?. Yes, nothing of great importance, except of the whole concept of him believing who he was trying to be. A God of Wine. Either that or he just really loves a drink like a Canadian loves a good American getting attacked by a beaver.

?In you go.? The bodyguards shoved the hobo into a cage right beside the signing piano and jumping bananas.
Ripping the duct tape off, the hobo yelled. ?Well...there YOU go! Dionysus will NOT forget who you are. I have a great memory about those things!? He put his hand into his pocket, pulling out a note pad labeled-PEOPLE WHO I WANT REVENGE AGAINST. Underneath that guy who stole my breath of air, he wrote ?Two bodyguards with funky glasses?. Looking around his cage, the hobo sighed, looking around his cage. ?Eh, beats that cardboard box I usually sleep in...? He mumbled, sniffing the walls. ?And smells better too!? He smiled, itching his back. Unfortunately, it was that place where you just can?t reach, so he spent the next several hours, trying to relieve himself from the pain of not itching that spot in his back.

Now...the hobo is the second last person who would take the trip of a lifetime to the Pizza Joint. The last lucky person is a girl. She?s pretty normal, metal and physically. Hell, she even works at the Warehouse. So what makes her so special? She has a verbal problem. She can?t say any words with the letter ?f? in it. But she can say ?F?, like ?You got an ?F? on your test?, or ?What the F??. you get my point....but how did someone against the paranormal go along with the trip? More explained about that after we learn more about the girl.

?McCarthy!? A voice boomed over the boxed offices and garbage bags filled with evidence.

(Yeah, I just sorta stopped there o_o)

Post by **Josiah** » Tue May 31, 2005 11:54 am

Heh, you should keep working on it. It's rather amusing and you're writing ain't bad either. It's lacking description but that's ok for short story comedy. Speaking of which, maybe I should post one of my comedy short stories some time...

Post by **Silver** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:54 am

Yeh, it's got that BIG IMPORTANT NARRATOR for that SMALL POINTLESS STORY thing goin' on. Funneh. And you should at least finish the character thing! You just stopped in the middle of the F girl

'

And MAN! I can't wait for the Language of the Duct Tape! *Pre-orders* XD

Website · Post by **Shans** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 7:43 pm

Hehe, that IS amusing... you should keep going ^_^

Sat Jan 13, 2007 11:21 am

...Are the random question marks meant to be there?

But yeah. Funny stuff.