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 Post subject: Story Time! :D
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:33 pm 
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Location: BC, Canada
Hey all, I'm taking Writer's Craft this semester and for my final project I plan on turning in a story that's been sitting on the shelf for about ... 4 months now. I'm going to put up the prologue now, maybe the rest later depending on how many people actually post here and I sincerely beg of all you who read this post...if you see Anything you think could sound better another way, or anything like that, please speak up! I want to get as good a mark as possible! By the way, it is somewhat violent sometimes, I hope nobody minds!
*Edit: everything in bold is something I fixed up.*

Dreamscape 1 – Prologue
The beast crashed into the wall as Alex turned around a corner, barely dodging its razor sharp claws. With a bellow of fury, the beast turned around the corner and charged straight at Alex. The beast gained very quickly on Alex, when he had the sudden urge to turn around. When he did, he noticed four lines on his arm; four large gashes in the shape of a symbol that Alex didn’t recognize and weren’t there a moment ago. But instead of feeling pain, seeing the marks brought a feeling of relief to Alex. The beast wasabout to pounce on him and tear him to shreds when a drop of some foul liquid fell on its head. Startled, the beast stopped and touched the drop, bringing the finger toward its face to see what fell on it. Looking at it closer, Alex managed to see the drop for a moment when it shone in a ray of light. The liquid was blacker than the midnight sky and a strange emotion overcame Alex. He knew seeing a drop of some strange, dark liquid should probably freak him out, or at least surprise him, but it’s as if he was expecting it. Mere moments later, he felt something come towards him and the beast from above. He looked up and saw a rip in the sky itself, bleeding the foul black liquid on the ground. Out from the hole came an inhuman arm, yet somehow Alex recognized it. The arm reached out and grabbed the beast, crushing its head between its wet fingers. With the beasts head crushed to a pulp in this newcomer’s hand, Alex was too stunned to move. He managed to look up at the tear as the arm moved back inside. All of a sudden, the black liquid flew back up into the air and pulled itself into the tear. As the stuff went in, the tear drew into itself, until all Alex could see [/b]was[/b] a pair of glowing eyes that he recognized, yet had never seen before. The tear closed, and --

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Image Image
Image Rania - Female; Type: Water, Grass; Abilities: Torrent, Overgrow; Attacks: Tackle, Curse, Razor Leaf, Bubble W/L = 5/0
Image Karst - Male; Type: Normal; Abilities: Keen Eye, Guts; Attacks: Tail Whip, Scratch, Defense Curl W/L = 2/0


Last edited by NabMaster on Thu Sep 20, 2007 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:37 am 
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Mew
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Quick tip: The majority of your writing is in present tense but you've got few parts in there that are past tense which kinda throws things off. Actually, I think the whole thing would probably sound better in past tense. Present tense isn't used often in stories because it's tricky to write in and can be hard for readers to follow if it's not done very carefully.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 12:13 pm 
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Ok, thank you Josiah, I just fixed up all the past/present tense mixups, here's the first actual chapter. Please advise me everyone! I only have until the end of the semester to have a 30-50 page short story/novel finished.

Chapter 1 - Awakening
A loud crash could be heard from above Alex’s bedroom. He jumped out of bed and put on his housecoat, dashing up the stairs to see what had happened. When he got to the top he saw one of the cats had knocked over some of his kendo sticks. Breathing a sigh of relief and laughing softly, he picked up the startled cat, soothed her, and went back downstairs with her in his arms. A few minutes later he was fully dressed and ready for school. He turned on the kettle and pulled down a teacup. Just as the kettle started to boil, he heard the phone ring. He reached across the kitchen shelves and fumbled for the phone.
“Hello?” He asked in a somewhat sleepy voice.
“Hey, good to see you’re up on time today. What’s the occasion?”
The caller was Alex’s good friend John. Alex laughed and replied, “The cats tried to use my kendo sticks as scratching posts and they fell down again.”
Alex heard John burst out laughing. “Well, that sounds like a good way to start the day. You almost ready for school?”
Looking over and seeing the fully boiled kettle, Alex quickly poured some boiling water in the cup with a teabag. “Almost,” He replied. “I just need to get something hot in my system to wake me up. See you at school in a bit.”
“Yeah, see you soon.”
Hearing John hang up, Alex put the phone back on the receiver and pulled the teabag out of his cup. As he sipped on the cup of tea, he remembered the dream he had last night, with the beast and the creature he somehow knew. As a child, he used to have recurring nightmares similar to that. For weeks at a time, it would go on, just one dream every night. As he thought back, he realized that in every nightmare, the last time he had it, he saw that creature crushing or otherwise destroying whatever it was that would haunt him, and the eyes…
Alex shivered when he remembered those eyes. He looked at the clock and remembered he still has to get to school. Gulping down the rest of his tea, he ran out the door and jumped on his bike, heading to his school.
Just wait ‘til John hears about this! Alex thought. I haven’t had one of these nightmares in a long time. I’m sure he’d have something to say about it.

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Image Image
Image Rania - Female; Type: Water, Grass; Abilities: Torrent, Overgrow; Attacks: Tackle, Curse, Razor Leaf, Bubble W/L = 5/0
Image Karst - Male; Type: Normal; Abilities: Keen Eye, Guts; Attacks: Tail Whip, Scratch, Defense Curl W/L = 2/0


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