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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 9:56 pm 
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Shiny Pidgeot King
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...I believe I mentioned a story for English class once or twice in the Son of Saying Hi to Josiah topic? And ghetto Sci-Fi nerds? Well, uh... here it is. As for where the names and the plot came from... it's a long story. And I'd tell it if the following long story isn't going to wear your eyeballs out as it is.

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?Remember to keep reading The Pears of Discontent, class. You should be up to chapter 57,091 by Thursday,? the teacher, Mr. Mac, reminded after a long, boring, pointless lecture about the book they were all forced to read.
?Ha, yeah right,? Zack thought to himself as he and all the other students left the classroom, ?I wouldn?t touch that book if my life depended on it. I?ll have to ask Samantha what happens...later.?
Before long all the students had left the structure that occupied most of their lives, because honestly, who wants to stay longer than you have to when there?s all kind of weekend-related activities to be done? The teenagers never once considered that, in their desire for a life other than the one of academics forced on them by the government, they may not be realizing the true reasons for making them do all the pointless work...
Every night, after the last student had left the premises, the school building went through a transformation you wouldn?t believe even if you witnessed it first-hand. Every staff member, from the principal right down to the janitor, dropped their human disguises and reverted to their true form - that of evil, blood-thirsty, mutant aliens. Well, not blood-thirsty, per se, but thirsty for the melted brains of teenagers, weakened by mountains of homework and hours of reading, thirsty for a long test marked with an A, thirsty for a good essay that clearly took a student hours to perfect. That?s where the alien race knows as the Tee-Tshurs draw their power from, and it?s used to fuel their enhanced alien technology as well.
Before you ask, of course the government?s in on it. ...What? You weren?t going to ask? What?s wrong with you?! Well, the Tee-Tshurs would destroy the earth in an instant if the government wasn?t funding them and allowing them to draw from the unlimited energy source that was the teenage brain. In case you were wondering. Yeah, yeah, I know you weren?t. Why must you be so negative?

I suppose I could tell you how each of the main characters spent their weekend, but that was no doubt some boring, tedious project so I won?t bother. In fact, I think I?ll just skip right to the end of the day on Monday, just because I feel like it. Hey, I?m in charge here, and don?t you forget it. Not every day I?M in charge of something.
And so we find a group of four gathered about the locker of Zack, everyone?s favorite slacker. Well, not really, but he likes to pretend he is. ?Hey, uh, Sam... you?ve been reading The Pears of Discontent, right?? Zack asked, shoving the giant book they were talking about back into the locker from whence it came. Although it was a novel, it looked more like the monstrous Biology books they forced on us this year. I swear, that thing?s like ten pounds!
?Yeah...? Samantha, the group over achiever replied. It took her a moment to catch on to Zack?s implication, and after the realization hit her she shot her friend an evil, read-it-yourself-you-lazy-bum glare. Zack smiled nervously. ?I?m not going to keep reading the book for you! You?re supposed to read it yourself!? Samantha shouted back.
?Oh come on, it?s way too late to start now. We?re supposed to be on, like, chapter 57,092! I?m only on page 2!? Zack argued.
?Actually, it?s chapter 57,091,? Samantha corrected. She had that cocky, superior tone of voice down perfectly, too. ?And if you feel like you?re struggling - like you always are - then you should stay after school and talk to the teacher. I?m sure he?ll help.?
?Are you crazy?! They lock us in here for six hours everyday as it is; I?m not staying in this dumb school any longer than I have to!? the group slacker complained.
?Oh come on, you big baby. It doesn?t take that long. The teachers don?t stay too late anyway; they have lives, too, you know. You can come with me, even. I?m staying after anyway; I only got a 92 on our last test, and I am quite disappointed.? Samantha explained. Oh man, she?s so good at that brag-ish voice it?s uncanny.
?Wait, you?re staying after school?!? Chelsea, the group nutcase finally added in. ?NOOOO!!!! DON?T DO IT, SAM! DON?T BE A HERO!? and of course, by now she was on the ground, flailing her arms around wildly. She was just weird that way. ...Yes, we have a lot in common.
?Oh, come on, Chelsea, not this again...? Samantha pleaded, rubbing a hand on her head to show annoyance.
?HAVEN?T YOU HEARD THE RUMORS?! Those who stay after school rarely leave alive! THEY?LL EAT YOU, THEY WILL!? Chelsea warned them, now even more frantic then before. Little did they know, she was the only sane person among them... well, not really. But she wasn?t completely clueless as to what evils went on after school hours.
?Well, can?t argue with the rumors. Come on, Chris, let?s leave Chelsea to spaz and Sam to over-achieve,? Zack suggested, kicking his locker closed and beginning to head towards the door.
?Word,? concurred Chris, the group... uh... I don?t know, really. Sci-fi nerd, maybe? Of course, he also had that ghetto streak, as you can see by the ?word?... I guess he can be the group ghetto Sci-fi nerd. Hopefully there will be more characters like him in upcoming Disney Channel shows about teenagers and their boring lives. The ghetto Sci-fi nerds don?t get much representation. ?Tis a pity.
?Whatever. In twenty years when I?m a filthy rich lawyer and you?re working at Wawa, you?ll regret this! Chelsea, get off the floor!? Sam shouted angrily before stomping off towards Mr. Mac?s classroom.
?EVIL!? Chelsea shouted one more time before Sam stepped on her.

Skipping ahead once again since it would be pointless to tell you of how they spent their night submitting to the alien overlords by doing their homework, we now find our group at their lunch table on Tuesday. Well, most of the group...
?I see Sam didn?t show up today... dang it, as fun as it is to mess with her, I didn?t mean to tick her off THAT much,? Zack explained before shoving a handful of potato chips in his mouth.
?She could just be sick, dawg,? Chris suggested.
?She seemed fine yesterday, and I?ve never seen someone get sick THAT fast,? Zack reasoned, talking with his mouth full as per usual.
?Oh, dawg, don?t even get me started on bacteria. There?s diseases out there that?ll make yo insides as whacked as a mole, ? Chris offered. You can tell he?s great with similes, eh?
?Really?? Zack asked, raising one eyebrow to show confusion.
?Fo-rizzle,? Chris answered. Ok, I admit it - I made Zack ask just so I could make Chris say ?Fo-rizzle?.
?Oh yeah, well, I think you?re both wrong! I think THE ALIENS got her! Or the ZOMBIES! Yeah, the Zombies, and they ATE HER BRAIN!? Chelsea shouted, just as twitchy, paranoid, and all around insane as ever. ?WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING OR WE?RE NEXT!?
?...Okay then...? Zack mumbled, slowly inching away from Chelsea.
?But dawg, it would be fun to like, spy on the teachers...? Chris suggested before whispering into Zack?s ear, ?And maybe Chelsea will finally stop flippin? out about zombies.?
?Good point. Tell ya what, Chelsea... I can?t believe I?m saying this, but we?ll stay after school today and check it out. Anything to get out of reading The Pears of Discontent...? Zack offered, shuddering at his own mention of that stupid, stupid book.

Ok, ok, so I like skipping around a little too much! You don?t need to hear about how the teachers - I mean, Tee-Tshurs - brainwash them during class, either. And now we find them meeting in front of Zack?s locker like they usually do, trying to act natural so the teachers don?t suspect anything before they find out what?s really going on at their school.
?So, where should we start, dawgs?? Chris asked quietly.
?Sam went to see Mr. Mac, so I say we pay him a visit first,? Zack replied. Today he was taking The Pears of Discontent out of his locker - which happens once in a blue moon, let me tell you - because he figured it would be useful as a weapon (more so than as reading material, at least) and it didn?t look suspicious at all.
?Right! I always thought he was the most alienest of them all!? Chelsea whispered to the boys. Well, as much of a whisper as is possible for good ol? loud mouth Chelsea.
??Most alienest?? And I thought MY grammar was bad...? Zack mumbled before the three of them began sneaking off to Mr. Mac?s room. And as soon as they peered in the window of the door, they began to think that maybe Chelsea wasn?t so crazy after all...
Actually, they still thought she was crazy, but they also thought she may have been right all along. Because inside that English classroom was not the human teacher they?d come to know and hate, but rather a green, slimy creature that vaguely resembled an angler fish - you know, the ones with the flashy light thing growing out of their head - but with more... not gills. And legs and stuff. I mean, we can?t exactly have these fish guys just flopping around the halls. As funny as that would be, the government probably wouldn?t give money to the fishies. I mean, fish. Fishes. Yeah.
The three rebels stopped and stared for a minute, their eyes bulging out of their heads and their jaws dropping to the floor, before the... whatever it was noticed them. While they were still paralyzed in shock, fear, and probably disgust ?cause that thing was pretty nasty lookin?, the artist formerly known as Mr. Mac opened the door and glared down at Chelsea, Chris, and Zack.
?IT?S HIM! IT?S MR. MAC! I TOLD YOU HE WAS AN ALIEN! Oh, I knew it all along! But you didn?t listen to me, oh no, NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME, BUT-? Chelsea screamed, and she would?ve gone on longer if Zack had let her finish.
?Less yelling! More running!? Zack commanded, grabbing Chelsea by the wrist and dragging her off because the Tee-Tshur was making some kind of awful screeching sound. Instinct must have told them to run, but it was a darn good thing because he must have been alerting his Tee-Tshur brethren about the intruders; soon, one of those demon fish things emerged from virtually every door in the building - even the janitor?s closet. I warned you about him, that janitor.
?Hey, dawgs! Follow me!? Chris shouted. Since they couldn?t think of anything better to do, Zack and Chelsea complied and followed Chris to his locker. After he hurriedly entered his combination, he dug into his locker and pulled out all kinds of crazy gadgets.
?Chris, you watch WAY too much Star Trek,? Zack told him before grabbing something that looked like a phaser and firing it blindly at the alien hordes. Chelsea grabbed and fired a weapon as well... but it turned out to be a camera. Of course, that proved to be more useful than any silly old phaser, because the obnoxious flash gave them a chance to run for it and they now had a lovely photo of some evil alien monsters. A couple more shots of the Polaroid camera and they managed to escape the school, and once out of the building the three of them were safe because their only source of energy on this planet is that of human brains and they can only get that in the school.

Skipping ahead a bit more to the next day, Chelsea, Zack, and Chris walked into the school building prepared to warn students of the coming evil and handing out some lovely pamphlets they had made containing the pictures of the evil Tee-Tshurs.
?Everybody, get out of the building NOW! The teachers are demons that want to eat your brains!? Zack called from atop a desk.
?They don?t grade your homework, they eat it! This is fo-rizzle, dawgs!? Chris shouted, forcing their pamphlets into the hands of anyone that happened to walk by.
?Don?t feed the aliens!? Chelsea shouted at the top of her lungs.
Needless to say, everyone else thought they really lost it this time. Well, they knew Chelsea never had it, but apparently she was a bigger influence on Zack and Chris than they thought.
Fortunately enough, though, that janitor wasn?t exactly the brightest crayon in the box. He didn?t realize that no one would believe them and decided to just eat all their brains then and there. And in order to do so, he?d have to scratch his disguise and expose his inner alien.
That was all the proof the other teenagers needed. They fled for their lives and never returned ever, ever again. And they all lived happily ever after, free from The Pears of Discontent and its real life counterpart, The Grapes of Crap. I mean, Wrath. The Grapes of Wrath. Yeah, that?s it. Eh heh.
Without the mushified brains of teenagers, the aliens withered up and died. And all their machinery malfunctioned so badly it gave back all the already digested brains somehow. Don?t ask me how; Chris is the ghetto Sci-fi nerd. I just needed a happy ending... and for Sam to not be brainless. Someone I happen to know named Samantha might think I did it because I WANT her brain to be eaten by an alien. And I do. Wait, no, no I don't! ...Come on, Sam, is there REALLY any reason to get a babseball bat involved in this?
...Apparently there is. A baseball, too. Since apparently she's standing in for Inspiration at the moment, I'll just, uh... stop writing now... oh crap, I'm doomed!

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Ok, ok, so it's obvious that the ending's all it's-1-in-the-morning-and-I-need-to-be-done-now and crappy and stuff, but hey... I just did this for fun anyway. We were supposed to write the whole freaken thing in class and be done with it, but my hand doesn't work that fast so I didn't much done. So I went crazy. As you can see.

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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 10:49 am 
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Mew
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Heh, it's an amusing idea and your writing isn't that bad.

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PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 4:25 pm 
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Pokémon Master
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The very first sentence amused me :)


And I could just tell by how you wrote this that this is your work. You really like to put your own opinions withen the text, don't you?

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PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 12:07 pm 
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Pokémon Champion
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Wow, very good Silver. Very well done :)

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PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 12:51 pm 
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Blaziken
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Wow. 8-0

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:38 pm 
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Shiny Wobbuffet Prince
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Hey, my mom's a teacher! And so is your Aunt!

But seriously, this is pretty good.

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Brutum Fulmen: (senseless thunderbolt) This phrase, coined by Pliny the elder, is used to refer to an empty threat.
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