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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:30 am 
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Egg
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Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:06 pm
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Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Hello, Im starting a new fanfic, and I want you all to when reading, see things as I describe them, hopefully I will not be bad at describing, A couple years ago I wrote crappy fanfictions, but now I want to try again, and I hope this fan fic Inspires or adds a sense of adventure to you all.... Well, here I go.


The Island of Two Worlds

Chapter one -- Seth Arrives.

------------------------------------------

The sky was dark and moody, rain pouring down onto the ocean, Thunder rumbled.
The Tide was high, throwing magicarp through the air occasionally. Amidst the Chaotic screams of the storm, a small rowboat is seen, trapped among the sea? No, Inside it is a Young man, around the age of 15, wearing a stripped silver and black vest, with a red tie tucked inside, his shirt is a longsleeved raggy silver shirt, the ends go up to his knuckles.
His pants, black as the clouds, and he was wearing silver sandles.
His silver hair falls in his face, going down to his eyes, before it is blown back again by the increadible wind.
The boat is lifted by the waves once more, and a cry comes from the young man as he is flipped off the boat.
"Whaaaaaaaoooooooooooooo!" Seth yelled, falling into the ocean.
The water took him, flung him around, spinning him, until all light has been lost to him..
Days later, which seems like weeks to him, he awakens on a small island. He must've washed up on shore, He checked his Pokemon Navigator, and he realized that this island was not within Hoenn Regions.

He got up, and looked at the Ocean, far far away.
It was Calm.

He turned around, and for the first time, saw the island.
It was sort of Aztec, The steps up to a forest,and a big temple beyond Trees among Trees,These Trees spread out as far as he could see, Seth began to walk towards the steps, which were covered in moss.
He stopped.

"No way... I dont think I want to go in there.." Seth looked around, spotting his boat... It was in good condition, amazingly. "..Thank god!"
Seth ran to the boat, which still had a paddle... His luck was not running out anytime soon.

He got in, and rowed away from the island, to the calm sea.
So begins the story of Two worlds.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack stood in front of the Dewford Caverns.
Big massive stone, built by nature, but people have "Civilized" The cave, there are laterns along the way, and ladders to climb around the cave.
Jack had nothing on except for some dark leather pants, and as the sun shined on him and reflected off the sandy beach, he squinted.

He pushed back his shoulder length white hair, and Crimson eyes peirced the entrance of the cave. Yes, Jack was Albino, but that didnt stop him from coming to catch a pokemon.
Jack turned on his flashlight and entered the cave.

It was dark...At the first few feet, Dewford cave was safe, until it came to the drop.
Jack began to walk and holding in his hand was his only pokeball.

He fell off the drop, and landed on his back.
"Oh..Fuuuuuuuuck...." He moaned, sitting up. "Shouldnt.. they put a warning sign.. Damn!"
He got up, and began to walk through the Dark and rocky chamber, being wary of whats ahead of him.
Still in pain, he heard a noise, like a ... Squeaking of sorts, but not exactly a squeaking.
"uh... Hello?" He asked, dumbly, he knew there wouldnt be a response. " Im.. Jack."

The squeaking sounded again, but much closer. Jack shined a flashlight into the direction.

A blue bat, with no eyes and mouth open with 3 inch fangs, two wings with purple insides, and two legs with no feet or toes flew at Jack.
Jack fell over in suprise, which probaly Saved his ass.
The Zubat flew over him, and turned as Jack got up.
"Alright you nasty bat," Jack Smiled. "Your mine."
Jack threw the pokeball, but Zubat just moved out of the way.
Jack was stunned..."Uhhh..." Jack mumbled."Thats not how its supposed to work..."

Maybe he needed to beat it a little..
He bent over and picked up a rock, and as the bat flew towards him he chunked a jagged rock at the bat, scratching its underbelly.
In shock it abandoned its attack, and flew overhead, and began to nosedive towards.


Jack had no idea where the bat was, he shined the flashlight in all directions while looking around for the bat, when something knocked him on the head.
"Gah!" Jack looked up. "You stupid bat!" Jack felt for another rock, and found a smooth round sphereical rock.
He didnt look at it.

The Zubat began flying closer to him, and he chunked the "Rock" and hit the bat in the face, sucking the bats essence and very matter inside with its powerful net.
The ball fell, rattled a bit, then clicked.
"....Whew.." Jack sighed. " Damn bat is aggrivating. But not when I train it, Ooooh no."

Jack began to walk out of the cave when he ran into the Drop he fell of earlier.
"...Maybe they put a rope here or something..." He began to feel along the wall, but felt no rope...

"Oh...No..."
Jack ran through the cave, uncaring of what happens, if he falls, if he gets attacked, he was just scared... He was trapped. Trapped inside the cave.
Tears began to flood down his cheeks.

"God... Help me out... " He cried to himself. " GET ME OUT! SOMEONE!"
He Continues to run through the rocky cave, stumbling along the way.
He stumbled again, this time he didnt bother to get up. He would just wait for someone to come get him..He frowned. "This... Is a pain.."

He decided it might be time to make freinds with his pokemon, and pressed the button of the pokeball in his other hand with the butt of the flashlight.

A bright light appeared for a few seconds, and the Zubat flew out..
"Hmm..." Jack said outloud."What should I name you?"
The Zubat tried to fly away, but Jack withdrew it. "Trying to run... Pffft... Maybe I need to break you in and stop talking to myself."
"Ill name you Kuru then." Jack smiled to himself. "Seems like a good name.."

He heard footsteps.
"Hello?" He said as he got up. "Anyone there? Can you get me out?"
The footsteps stopped. Right in front of him.

------------------------------------------------------------
I hope you enjoyed this, please PM me your thoughts, Good or bad. :)

Here is something for people wondering about Seth, if they really are interested in him, he wont be coming up for a while, he will continue his own ventures, but time will move on..
(Btw, I edited the name of the bat... Kong seemed good at the moment, but Kuru seems better ><)

The Island of Two Worlds -- Chapter 2

An Escape from Responsibility

------------------------------------------------------------

Jack shined the flashlight infront of him, revealing a young woman in a red hoody with a strange emblem, she was also wearing a black skirt and two black boots, her ruby hair fell in ponytails down to her breast, her eyes pierced Jacks gaze.

"Lost?"She smiled.

"Uh...Yeah..." Jack said, nervously, the woman wasnt "Hot" but she still was very pretty. "Im.. J-J..JACK! Yeah! Jack!"

She sighed, and extended her hand to Jack, Jack reached out and shook it, Smiling.
"My name is Estrella." She said, pulling Jack alongside with her as she walked on, turning around a bend.. "This way, the whole purpose of Dewford Caverns is to lead a trainer on a winding maze... Its rather cruel."

"Me and some ...Freinds... Came here for a Certain Orb, are you a citizen of dewford?" She asked, her words filled with a strange sense, as if she was searching for something.

"Me? Yeah, Ive lived on dewford for all 14 years of my young life." Jack said sarcasticly. "What orb are you looking for?"

"The Orb of Stone..."Estrella said, Looking back at Jack after hopping onto a stone and sitting down. "Our Boss.. I mean, my freind, heard a rumor about a stone, so we come here...He said that it would be able to bring land mass from the depths of the ocean."

"Nope...Nothing like that here." Jack looked over at her. "Why do you guys want that...?"

Estrella got up, unresponsive, took jacks hand and lead him downwards a way, until Jack could see the light from outside shining into the cave.

____________________________________

Manny Yawned, he was getting tired of waiting for Estrella to come out.
He was also dressed like her, except for the skirt, instead he had on black pants and a bald head which shone in the sun.

He watched his Torkoal chase around his Sandshrew a while...

He closed his eyes for a second, and then heard a noise.
He turned his head over to the cave as Estrella and some wierd kid came out of the cave.

Withdrawing his pokemon, he stomped over to her and in a deep, rugged voice, he asked. "Who is this? A potential magma member?"

"I dont know if he is or not..." Estrella responded, looking at the boy. "How about it? You could be a Grunt and work with us..."

"Whatwhat?" Jack said, too much has been going on, he also noticed a small motor boat off shore. "Magma? You mean TEAM Magma?"

Jack Smiled... This was his chance to get away from his controlling family and this small and boring island.

"Yeah kid..." Manny smiled. "You seem to be freinds with Estrella...So?"

"I have a question though..." Jack let go of Estrellas hand. "Why? Why do you want me to join..."
"We dont need you... Its just another oppurtunity for Team Magma to grow.. In fact, we probaly should just leave you on the island." Mannys smile faded, he was growing aggrivated. "So? Yes or No?

"Hell yeah, Im in..." Jack smiled, hes leaving his responsibilitys behind him. "Lets go!"

Manny lead him and Estrella onto the Small white boat.
The boat had a steering wheel and 4 seats, on the side it had the word "S.S Kick Ass" printed.

As the motor started the boat Zoomed away from the beach.

"My name is Jack."
"Mine is Manny.." Manny turned to Jack, and put the petal to the metal. " You can go ahead and let your pokemon out.."

Estrella pressed the button on her pokeball and a Sneasle erupted from the essence of light, while manny pressed the button on his two letting out his Torkoal and sandshrew.

Jack pulled out his pokeball and pressed the button. Kuru came outside the ball, but the boat left him behind.
"******..."Jack sighed, withdrawing Kuru from the distance.
He clicked the button once more but this time he grabbed Kurus leg before it could be left behind.

"You name your pokemon?" Estrella asked. "That seems pointless to me..."
"It is!" Manny remarked.

The remaining hours seemed quiet, and Kuru found away to play with the other pokemon, the boat wouldnt leave it behind if it stayed low.

As they sped ahead, they passed a rowboat with a young man in it, Jack looked as they passed, and made eye contact, but only for a second due to the speed of the motor boat.

After a couple of hours, Manny finnaly said. "We will reach Slate port within a few hours.. maybe 1 or 2..."
"cool... So what is the boss like?" Jack asked, the question seemed innocent enough to him.
Estrella and Manny stared hard at him.
"Youll see when you meet him, we will be heading to one of the Pokemon Marts, he will be upstairs."

"Also... You have to prove your worth in a battle.. So have you ever had a pokemon battle before?" Estrella asked, with a snobby tone.
"No, infact I just caught this pokemon..."

"Goddamnet Estrella.."Manny Roared. "You caught someone who doesnt know how to even battle... yet alone he probaly wont have the guts to do anything else."

Jack sat in silence, regretting getting on this boat.
"Do you guys have any shoes or shirts on here?"
Manny quietly opened up a compartment with a black skintight shirt inside, he pulled it out and threw it at Jack, and he also grabbed a pair of black boots that were also inside and tossed it towards Jack.

Jack put on the Shirt and shoes, and looked off into the sea... he could see a few buildings... Slateport was close.


____________________________________

Yay! Chapter 2 >> I hope the language isnt a problem, because if it is I will stop with it...
Hope you all liked it, I kinda got some characters personalitys developed, I think mannys stands out a bit.. well Please Criticize!

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Last edited by Second Chance on Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:45 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:29 am 
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Mew
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Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 10:57 pm
Posts: 25723
Location: Hawaii
Too early to say much about the story. From a writing prospective, you're doing fairly well in some aspects (descriptions aren't bad and most of the dialogue sounds at least fairly natural). There's some fairly obvious typos though and you keep switching between past and present tense (even in the same sentence at times). You really need to pick one tense (probably past) and stay with it the entire time.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 3:38 pm 
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Egg
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Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:06 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Thanks, Ill mess around with it, :)

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